Giving Up on One of my Goals

Mixed Emotions.
I wanna Cry!
I wanna Shout!
I wanna ask why!

I am married. I have my husband. I have my baby. But until when? Is this going to end like what happened to my parents? Can I tell when?

All my life, since I was in Grade 4. How I longed to see your face. How I longed to touch you. How I longed I wanted to hear your voice.From then on, I told myself. I will not lose hope in finding you!

Time passes by, social media sites popped up.Thanks to Facebook! I searched for your name. and PRONTO! I found you.

2010.

I was able to contact your wife. I don’t know at first that she was your wife. So I asked if she knows you. She do. And then I was not able to contact her again. Next was your niece. She asked me what I want. I am causing too much trouble. And so. I stopped.

2012.

Accidentally, your account popped up on the right side of my account. Click. I asked my Mother for confirmation. And she said. YES! It’s HIM! My heart beats faster as I am seeing a new hopes. I started to contact his Nephew. Asked him about what had happened to our conversation Two years ago. He said “He is happy now with his life with his family”. He asked for my intention. I mentioned it. Maybe he has this kind heart and he did gave me a chance.

2013.

The nephew who is my only hope did informed me that he have to unfriend me for the peace of all. The hope is gone.

How many of us out there who is experiencing this dilemma? Do I have to be afraid this incident will happen again? I wanna ask why this did happen to me. Am I really this bad?

Do I deserve this kind of treatment? What are my faults? Am I going to feel disappointed?

A lot of questions came into my mind. Life is to too short for me to suffer. I have my family, yes! My husband and my Baby. I will sacrifice anything and everything for my baby to be happy. She deserves a complete and happy family. I will fight for my marriage whatever it takes. Even if it also means sacrificing my whole life.

Giving up this time doesn't mean I am closing doors. I am thanking you for being a part of what I am right now. I just have to be contented and learn whatever mistakes me or any people do.

But one thing is for SURE! My Baby will have her “DADA” for the rest of our life.